Our Big Day....

Nothing could have prepared me for how much I would love my wedding day - especially considering how much I hated planning it, and much I dreaded being stood up there in front of 250 people! But it was magical in every way!(so cliche I know!) We were married in a church which was built in 1170 - its gorgeous architecture and beautiful surroundings were exactly what I hoped for in a place to get married! Its very small, and truth be told we were very worried that 250 people would never fit in! But by some miracle, everyone did! Below are some pictures of the church on our wedding day.

The weather on our day was absolutely stunning, despite it having rained the whole week prior - causing me much unnecessary stress! But not on the day, no, on the day I was so calm. Much calmer than I thought I could be. I woke up fairly late... my bridesmaids and I stayed in our joggers and jammies, and at 9:30 made our way over to daisy's house to get ready.... We got our hair done...played with all the babies and toddlers around, chatted with my girls...had a lovely lunch! Make-up got done...then we started to get dressed. I never once felt nervous or stressed... Then my lovely chauffeur showed up in his Jaguar to pick me and my girls up... and I saw my daddy, all dressed up, and I just wanted to cry, he looked so proud of me - actually, he kept saying how lovely I looked, which made me want to cry even more! I love my daddy so much, and for the longest time I thought there was no way he would be able to make it to my wedding...but he was there, and he was going to give me away. It was such a special moment. I feel so blessed that my parents could be there for this day, it made everything complete!

Still, as we drove to the church, I was not nervous, but as we pulled up - I suddenly felt my stomach fluttering...This was it! It is now - all this build up, all the planning, the stress, the worry...it was all for this moment of Joy! My Daddy walked me up the stone path to the church - three gorgeous flower girls, and two beautiful bridesmaids in tow! The little flower girls totally stole the show as they walked ahead of the bridal party down the aisle - hand in hand, two & three years of age, chubby cheeked, in beautiful white dresses with their own little bouquets of sunflowers! You couldnt help but melt at their cuteness - here is a picture of the sweet girls:

As we walked down the aisle I had a nice little chat with my dad to distract me from all the people, all the while looking at this man ahead who I was about to commit the rest of my life to. We could have been the only two people in the room, because I totally forgot anyone else was there! The service itself was perfect, the music was incredible, and the sermon shared the gospel in such a special way - and ultimately, all we wanted was for the day to point people to Jesus, and we truly feel it did! Every single person who was there was so dear to us, and they all took part in our day and made it super amazing! After the service, we all made our way down the road to where the reception was held, at the georgian mansion where Jonny & I both work - It was wonderful to celebrate our marriage there as it is where we met, where we fell in love, and as we work there, its a place that we are both passionate about!! We celebrated with a Hog roast (yes thats right!) and a Ceilidh afterwards! There is not a moment of my day I would change. It was perfect from beginning to end, and so many people from far far away made a special effort to be there with us, and so so many people worked hard to make our day precious. It truly was the best day of my life, and I wish I could relive it every day for the rest of my life, but even though I cant,it made me even more excited for heaven, because the bible mentions heaven being like a wedding feast, and of course, a heavenly wedding feast is going to be way more amazing than our little celebration. Its going to be the most epic, wonderful thing that we can ever imagine...and my wedding day gave me just a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a taste of what that will be like. Below are some pics of Jonny and I on the day - I was the happiest woman in the world!

Marriage by the way, is a wonderful blessing, and is well worth the journey!

Journey to marriage: Lesson 6: Talk about sex!

In preparing for married life sex can tend to take a back seat as you run around wedding planning! But it is so important that you and your fiance find time to sit and talk about sex, your expectations and fears! Alot of marriage prep books have great questions which will help you think about and discuss things, and thats great! But what I am finding most helpful at the moment is a Christian, biblical, informative resource that covers pretty much EVERYTHING you need to know about the marriage bed!

We found this website: http://site.themarriagebed.com/start-here - it is great and covers sex from both view points, talks about troubles you may face, and explains how the other sex thinks in certain areas!

Definitely worth a read if you are preparing for marriage!

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Book Review: Married for God by Christopher Ash

Jonny & I have just finished our first 'pre-marriage' book - 'Married for God', which was given to us by some friends who happened to have gotten engaged the week before us, and are in fact getting married the week before us too! We have quite the list of marital books to get through, but we decided to start with this one!

This book comes HIGHLY recommended by me - I genuinely would give it 5 stars. It covers everything from communication, to sex, to finances, to children!! The way Ash writes is very thought provoking, and conversation stimulating!! I really love how each chapter is followed by questions for discussion. Those questions have got Jonny & I talking about things we had never considered discussing before.

In this book, Ash's recurring theme is 'Sex in the service of God' and He explains throughout the book how we are able to glorify God in every area of our marriage. Our desire as Christians should be that our marriage serves God, I know that Jonny and I desire this with all of our hearts, we want our marriage to serve and honour Him and we want it to be a ministry in and of itself - if our marriage is fulfilling for us personally, and sexually, that's great... but unless it serves God, it wont be right.  His writing is so biblically drenched, and his perspective of marriage and sex is hinged on how God gave man & woman to each other for a purpose, that being that we are in a relationship to help one another. He reminds us that relationships are not about curing our loneliness or satisfying our sexual needs. He veers us away from the commonly accepted misconception in society today, where we are the centre of our relationship, and its all about us and our needs. Relationships are not the solution to our unhappiness and loneliness! Ash doesn't let us forget that way back in Genesis, God gave Eve to Adam, not as a companion, but as a helper. Its not 'Sex in the service of me' - its 'Sex in the service of God!'

Ash talks about how Gods intention for us within sex, was to procreate, and he speaks about this a great deal... and he covers some of the changes we will be faced with when children come along. He is very direct in helping us to understand that ultimately, that is the point of sex - But, he doesn't neglect to address people who are unable to have children, and he even speaks a fair bit on singleness, and how it is better for some. Also covered are the reasons why sex was intended only for those within marriage...not outside of marriage - he calls sex outside of marriage  'sex under law' - and Ash goes in depth with this, explaining that sex within marriage is free from anxiety.

This book covers sex ALOT! Much to the disdain of my 'conservatively British' husband-to-be who would much rather not talk about it! But for that very reason, this book has been awesome! Its taken us out of our comfort zone several times!

If I were to pick a chapter that I found most helpful however, it would be the chapter that tackled finances. It made me think on things I never had before... and got us to answer questions about the financial state of our childhoods and what our thoughts on money are and how we handle finances...I have a much better understanding on how Jonny views money, and we have a better idea of how we will deal with our differences when it comes to finances.

Whether your'e single, engaged, newly wed or even 30 years into marriage - you can glean something from this book. It is well written, practical, biblical & very helpful! Nab it now!

Journey to marriage: Lesson 5: Ask Questions!!

Always ask questions, lots of them! There is no point in sitting around wondering why your partner does what he does, or says what he says, when instead you could just ask. Car trips are great for this!! (haha, neither of you can escape questions by running away!!) I cant count the amount of times I have neglected to ask Jonny questions about the way he reacts or the things he does, only to end up overthinking it for the next week. When I eventually get round to asking questions, most the time his answers make perfect sense.... Its also amazing how much you learn about your partner when you just take the time to ask questions - things pop up that you never thought about! A friend recently shared a page off 'Desiring God's' website: 'Questions to ask when preparing for marriage' - There are some thought provoking questions, that are quite important to ask, it will prevent any surprises later on, and you will just be clear on where you both stand!!

Below are the questions mentioned on His page - its by no means an exhaustive list, but its a very good start!  To see the original page click on this link: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/questions-to-ask-when-preparing-for-marriage#.Tz-LI2WsKO8.facebook

Husband and Wife

• What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible and in our marriage?
• What are expectations about situations where one of you might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?
• How are tasks shared in the home: cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, yard work, car upkeep, repairs, shopping for food, and household stuff?
• What are the expectations for togetherness?
• What is an ideal non-special evening?
• How do you understand who and how often sex is initiated?
• Who does the checkbook—or are there two?

Children

• If and when, should we have children? Why?
• How many?
• How far apart?
• Would we consider adoption?
• What are the standards of behavior?
• What are the appropriate ways to discipline them? How many strikes before they’re...whatever?
• What are the expectations of time spent with them and when they go to bed?
• What signs of affection will you show them?
• What about school? Home school? Christian school? Public school?

Lifestyle

• Own a home or not? Why?
• What kind of neighborhood? Why?
• How many cars? New? Used?
• View of money in general. How much to the church?
• How do you make money decisions?
• Where will you buy clothes: Department store? Thrift store? In between? Why?

Entertainment

• How much money should we spend on entertainment?
• How often should we eat out? Where?
• What kind of vacations are appropriate and helpful for us?
• How many toys? Snowmobile, boat, cabin?
• Should we have a television? Where? What is fitting to watch? How much?
• What are the criteria for movies and theater? What will our guidelines be for the kids?

Conflict

• What makes you angry?
• How do you handle your frustration or anger?
• Who should bring up an issue that is bothersome?
• What if we disagree both about what should be done, and whether it is serious?
• Will we go to bed angry at each other?
• What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?

Work

• Who is the main breadwinner?
• Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home? After kids?
• What are your views of daycare for children?
• What determines where you will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family?

Friends

• Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse?
• What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with so and so and the other doesn’t?

Health and Sickness

• Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship? (Allergies, cancer, eating disorders, venereal disease, etc.)
• Do you believe in divine healing and how would prayer relate to medical attention?
• How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
• Do you have any habits that adversely affect health?

Theology

• What do you believe about...everything?
• Perhaps read through the Desiring God Affirmation of Faith to see where each other is on various biblical doctrines.
• Discover how you form your views. What is the reasoning-believing process? How do you handle the Bible?

Worship and Devotion

• How important is corporate worship? Other participation in church life?
• How important is it to be part of a small accountability/support group?
• What is the importance of music in life and worship?
• What are your daily personal devotional practices? Prayer, reading, meditation, memorization.
• What would our family devotions look like? Who leads out in this?
• Are we doing this now in an appropriate way: praying together about our lives and future, reading the Bible together?

Thoughts on marriage...

"Marriage is not a simple love affair, it's an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one" - Joseph Campbell

Journey to Marriage: Lesson 4:

Married friends are your greatest resource!

Never underestimate the value of a married friend when you are preparing for your wedding! Seriously they are like a fountain of wisdom...and actually, it doesnt even need to be a friend.... even just ladies you meet who show an interest in your engagement, and ask questions about your wedding....if they are married, I can guarantee you they will not only LOVE to tell you all about their wedding, but they will also have so many helpful pointers...so do go out of your way to glean from the married peeps that are all around you... and definitely ask these questions:

• What are you really glad that you did for your wedding?
• What was your biggest stress, and why?
• What REALLY didnt work?
• If you could change the way you did things, what would you want to change?
• If you live in the same area, ask them what florists, hairdressers, venues etc they used, or steered clear of, find out what they thought of the different companies etc. 

Honestly, all of the stuff I have managed to pull together so far is due to the experience of other peoples wedding plans. The insight they can offer is priceless and will save you ALOT of time!!!

xx Erica Joy

Journey to Marriage: Lesson 3:

Never assume your fiance is actually doing that list of things you gave him to do!

- Now ladies, listen up! This is of the utmost importance, and its a mistake I have already made...if you gave your fiance a list of things to do over a month ago.... and they said 'I'll get right on it honey', do not assume its taken care of at all!!! Here are some tips I have found to work in making sure the list is accomplished:

1. Assume daily that he has actually forgotten the list exists... therefore, remind him DAILY that the list does infact exist! 

2. If he has a specific task (ie. Find a marquee to hire) - rather than asking...'have you found a marquee yet?' instead approach it like 'So where did you manage to find a marquee? Is it nice? How much was it? - It will make him realise that you assume he already has done it...meaning that..IT SHOULD BE DONE BY NOW!

3. Leave nothing to chance.... Have a copy of his list...and make sure that you at least have some idea of what you are going to do if he just doesnt get round to doing it!!! 

Bottom line - We love our men, but they cannot be trusted with 'to do' lists!